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Welcome to What Makes Narcissists Tick
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

These Web pages share my observations and understanding of malignant narcissism. Malignant narcissism isn't mere narcissism in the usual sense of the word.

Narcissism is usually defined as self-love. Usually the term bears the negative connotation of excessive self-love (whatever that is), due to inflated self-esteem. This can happen when fame or fortune goes to person's head. The result is self-infatuation rather than a healthy self-love — something more akin to self-worship, a sense of entitlement, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, delusions of grandeur.Yet even this "excessive" narcissism, as unlikable as it may be, isn't what we're talking about here. It isn't malignant. It isn't a personality disorder. It isn't even a character disorder. It's just a personality trait.

The topic here is malignant narcissism. It is an all consuming need for something, something everyone needs. But the narcissist must have it all, which means that he or she must take it all away and keep it all away from you.

Malignant narcissism is PERVERTED self-love. It is a perverse pathology ranging along a spectrum from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to psychopathy. All psychopaths are narcissists, but there is as yet some doubt whether all narcissists are psychopaths. Most psychopaths never commit a violent crime, or any crime, and the difference between psychopathy and malignant narcissism is hazy at best and may be non-existent.

Underneath, these people are very different from you and I. They pass for normal but don't think the way normal human beings do. They aren't acting on normal human premises. So, the normal "rules" of human interaction don't apply in interactions with a narcissist.

For example, if he becomes angry at something you said, you naturally think that he took it the wrong way and will be appeased by conciliatory words and expressions from you. But he goes ballistic at you for trying to appease him. What's going on here?

That's what What Makes Narcissists Tick is here to explain. Being a writer, I feel that I should use my ability to describe and explain narcissism in a way that is clear and meaningful to the average person. For, 1-to-3 people in every 20 you meet is a malignant narcissist.

Over the years, I've become accustomed to the following experience. In response to a courteous question by a dinner acquaintance about my work, I briefly sketch the distinguishing characteristics of a psychopath. Invariably, someone at the table suddenly looks thoughtful and then exclaims, "Good lord — I think So-and-So must have been . . ." or, "You know, I never realized it before, but the person you're describing is my brother-in-law." — Dr. Robert D. Hare, Without Conscience

Yes, "invariably," someone at the table has to deal with one. So, they aren't just other people's problem. Virtually all of us encounter them periodically. You are fortunate if you never end up married to one or the child of one or at the mercy of one in the workplace (as a climber or a bullying boss who needs deprogramming). And the collateral damage these professional destroyers do affects everyone, not just their prey.

This doesn't have to happen. There is no reason why they should fool their superiors into promoting them to positions of great power in which they may abuse those at their mercy with impunity. There is no reason why they should fool a whole nation into electing them President for Life. There is no reason why they should be able to sucker you into believing the wildest joke-lies they tell about those they wish to destroy. There is no reason why they should be able to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge or property in Florida sight unseen. We have only to notice and NOT blow off the warning signs.

The best defense is common sense informed and aware of how many people like this are out there and how tricky they are, so that we exercise caution in whom we trust.

My aims are to contribute what I can to the formal understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and to help those abused, slandered, or otherwise victimized by a narcissist understand what the heck is going on. We make much smarter choices when we do ;-)

This knowledge helps you spot malignant narcissists and shows you where that narcissist is coming from, which often makes a huge difference in how you react.

But I am not here to counsel you. I am not a healthcare professional. For advice, seek out one in the appropriate field. These are just the explanations, observations, study and reasoning of one who has had long experience with narcissists and knows others with such experience. I have no credentials. I give no support here. I cannot recommend lawyers. If you want help with a paper, go to an authoritative source.

You get no pathologizing of the victim here. No pressure to repress your feelings as some sort of sin. No accusations of being codependent. And no junk about forgiving a crime in progress by someone who put you in Hell and won't let you out. Just practical information, observations, and analysis about what is going on in the mirage of a "relationship" between you and a narcissist.

Do keep in mind that many normal people have narcissistic traits and that all people behave narcissistically at times and toward certain people. Infants and little children naturally go through a narcissistic stage of development.

Sensitivity to narcissistic injury is universal, inbred, and healthy. In fact, normal people are quite likely to respond to narcissistic abuse by giving a narcissist a dose of his or her own medicine. So, don't go jumping to conclusions about people.

A specific behavior, such as ignoring someone, can occur in widely varying contexts. So, it can be done for many reasons, not just narcissistic reasons. Therefore, a handful of behaviors common to narcissists does not a narcissist make. There are few behaviors so unique to NPD that they should serve as red flags. Usually these signal behaviors are perplexing, the kind that make you pinch yourself, because they are the exact opposite of what a any normal person would do or say in that situation.

In short, if you have any doubt about whether a person suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he or she probably doesn't. Only a qualified physician can diagnose NPD

I recommend that you be sure to read the Essence of Narcissism. It gets at the unifying root of this disease, which is not grandiosity, the desire to hurt people, or disdain of empathy. All these things proceed from a need much simpler and more basic. In fact, it's something everybody needs. Unfortunately, a narcissist never grew up and learned to share. So he or she MUST HAVE IT ALL and therefore cannot let you have any.

Once you understand this avaricious need — once you know what a narcissist must take away from you and keep away from you — all the pieces of the perplexing puzzle that is a malignant narcissist fit together. And once you know what makes a narcissist tick, you will know what you need to know to make wise decisions.
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Copyright Statement

© 2001-2008, Kathleen S. Krajco — all rights reserved worldwide.

Here's the legal stuff about the material here on this blog:
Some of the clip art and photos are royalty-free images obtained elsewhere and used here respecting the copyright holders' grant of copyrights.

But the text published on this site are mine, and I reserve all rights to them under United States Copyright Law and the international treaties constituting International Copyright Law.
In plain English, that just means that you may not treat my property as though it were yours.
Copyrights often confuse people, but they are easy to understand if you think about what rights a person has in any private property. These are rights that no one but the owner of that property has. For example, only you may change, sell, or give away your property. Same here. This is my property, so only I may change, sell, or give it away. Hence I alone retain all "copyrights" that I don't explicitly sell or give away. Since this stuff is a special kind of property known as intellectual property, that amounts to a prohibition on making copies of it — except that you may keep one backup copy of digital intellectual property like computer software or an ebook (in case your machine crashes). Of course you may give away your copy of digital intellectual property, just as you may give away a paper book: but then you may NOT keep a copy for yourself. That's stealing someone else's property and treating it as though it's yours to give away or sell. You are welcome to link to these pages. But unless I personally give you permission, you have no right to copy or publish any part of them yourself, or to translate, use, change, sell or give my work away in any form. Even if you live in China.

But of course I don't press my rights to the point of being a jerk: If you wish to download or print a single copy of a page for your own personal use, you are certainly welcome to do so.
Kathy Krajco

Note: The explanation of copyrights above is, of course, true for all intellectual property. But the copyright notice above is for this site only.
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Disclaimer

You are about to be treated to an honest disclaimer.

I really mean it when I say that this publication is not intended as professional advice of any sort. My aim is not to advise: it is to help the average person understand a mental illness about which little has been written for a general audience. I do this because understanding what makes narcissists tick enables you to make wise choices in dealing with one.

So, I explain what's going on in plain English with concrete, everyday examples of the abstractions in the professional jargon.

I am not a healthcare professional. For advice, seek out a professional in the appropriate field. These are just the explanations, observations, study and reasoning of one who has had long experience with narcissists and knows others with such experience.
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